We actually stopped attending school a couple days before the end of the quarter. Wes had unfinished work and wasn't getting it done in class. I was emailing the teacher and asking her to send it home. She was sending back notices that he would receive zeros for his incomplete work, but was not sending anything home. It seemed that some of the work dated back long enough that Wes really wasn't sure about what he was supposed to be doing. This was happening at the end of a quarter in which I had been specifically communicating about not letting Wes fall behind. I had requested that any day when he had trouble completing his work, that the work would come home and not accumulate. Finally I received an email saying that Wes had chosen not to attend the class party on the last day of school. In truth it was a negative consequence to not getting his work done. By this time the student/teacher and the parent/teacher relationships were in such a bad place, there seemed no point to continuing on.
When I first told Wes that I would homeschool him for the rest of the year, he didn't have a big reaction. I asked him if he knew what I meant by homeschool and he quickly replied that it was school at home. I told him he was right and that I would be his teacher. It would still be school and we would still have work to do, but I would teach him the way he learns best, by doing. I think it took a minute for the idea to sink in and become real. As it did, I saw his whole body take on a more relaxed posture and he began smiling and asking me questions. They are the questions you might expect. "So I really don't have to go back to school?" We walked upstairs to our office where I have been collecting materials and writing down ideas. I spread everything out on the floor and we sat in the middle of it. I even went through what the days of the week would be like and some of my creative ideas. Afterwards, I just kind of gave him space to absorb it all. If I had to choose one word to describe Wes's reaction, the word would be relieved.
I was more nervous about talking to Wes's older brother. I figured he would have mixed feelings. He took in the information is his usual mature and understanding way. He knows what a tough time his brother has been having. The other thing we really emphasized when talking with both boys is that this is temporary. Wes will be going back to school, but we are taking a little time out to work at home. The goal is to get him in a better place both emotionally and academically so he can go back with confidence.
The final event at the end of the quarter was a meeting between my husband and the school principal. Without going into detail, the meeting went very well and I know I'll have her support upon our return. She apologized for the experience that we've had and basically she and my husband had a very positive exchange in which many topics were covered. I stayed home with the kids for this meeting mostly because my lawyer husband tends to handle them very well and I'm afraid my closeness to the situation would make me more emotional. I think that when you show too much emotion, you sometimes loose some of your credibility. I'm not the kind of woman who will sit there balling into a box of tissues, but my face will color and my eyes will fill if I'm not careful. Besides, the great thing about marriage or having a life partner is that you don't have to do everything alone. Thank goodness!
One other thing I have to share is that a couple members of our family who were with us for Christmas learned of our news. The reaction was strong and even more negative than I was prepared for. There is such a stigma around homeschooling that you don't really expect people to do cartwheels for joy when you tell them, but when the response is filled with pointed criticism, it's painful. I've read passages by other homeschool parents about the judgmental reactions they receive and now I can empathize. The decision to homeschool is one that most of us struggle with and is usually combined with some difficult school experiences. It's emotional and daunting, but It's one you make purely with the love for your child and their well being at heart.
So I'm lifting my chin back up, and focusing on the future. I know I can't take on the role of teacher with a heavy heart. I want to leave all of the tough moments behind and get my head in a good and positive place. It no longer matters how we got here. I know that I can be a great teacher to my son and I am still convinced that he needs this time. From the very early days of parenting, I've had periods when I start to feel muddled. There are so many strong opinions about every stage of development. At times you feel pushed and pulled in so many directions. When it starts to overwhelm, I give myself a time out. I go for a walk or find some alone time. I go through the mental exercise of stripping these outside forces from my brain. When finally they are cleared away, the truth always seems to be just waiting there for me. By truth I mean that personal, parental instinct of what is right for you and yours. It's there. It's always there.
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